ReJewvenate @ Pardes

Posted on December 23, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

the link for this summer’s application is now live on http://www.rejewvenate.info !
please forward on.

Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא's avatarTorah & more... תורה ועוד

“ReJewvenate @ Pardes” is an opportunity for someone in the 40 plus age group who has not experienced immersive Jewish learning, to receive a grant from reJewvenate for Pardes’ three weeks summer program. With the support of generous donors, we set out to create new and unique opportunities for the 40 plus age group in the Jewish community as we believe that exciting and purposeful Jewish learning should continue throughout one’s life. Selected from a pool of applicants, Naomi Myrvaagnes was our first grantee last summer, and her moving impressions are described below. We plan on offering the grant again in the upcoming summer. If you’d like to donate – or apply, please let me know.

ReJewvenate @ Pardes:  Pardes Summer Program and the Post-40 Set – by Naomi Myrvaagnes

As the first recipient of the reJewvenate @ Pardes grant for summer program learners over 40, I…

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Light One Candle II: The Blinding Power of Hatred

Posted on December 18, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

How come the brothers didn’t recognize Joseph? On occasion I run into a past student of mine, then in grade school and now a young adult. They obviously have changed, and yet, it doesn’t take long before we go, ‘Oh My G-d!’ and something along the lines of ‘you haven’t changed a bit!’ Same goes to high school and family reunions. Sooner or later, someone says, ‘wait, wait, aren’t you…’ I’m sure you’ve had the same experience too.
Joseph was not a baby when the brothers sold him to a caravan of merchants, traveling south. He was 17; not quite fully grown, but a young man. To make matters worse, the caravan is described as “Yishma’elim”. Yishma’elim is currently used for just about anyone living in Israel who is not Jewish, but originally, it should have been reserved (as is today) for the descendants of Yishma’el. For Joseph, could that have meant that he was sold to his half-second cousins? Ok, “half second cousins” are not people we might associate with regularly, but this is not a big family. Surely they knew at least that they were somehow related!? How come no one said anything to Jacob? or told the brothers where they dropped Joseph? A man disappears for 13 years in the small region between Hebron and roughly Cairo, fully in the open, and no one knows his whereabouts??
Further, upon meeting him, the brothers don’t even suspect that he looks slightly familiar! I know, I know: he had a different hair-do and new clothing, and maybe even make-up. He was out of context. And at least initially, he didn’t socialize with them and maybe stood at a distance (although later when they bring Benjamin he shared a meal alone with them). But seriously!! Usually people who have given a child to adoption or lost a relative with inconclusive ending, forever keep calculating and looking in a crowd for that person. And here we have ten grown man, later 11, and no one sees anything? Women might have something to say here about men and density, but still the question remains: How come the brother didn’t recognize Joseph?
Add to that, that he immediately knew them. Of course, they were much more conspicuous; he waited for them, they didn’t know he was there. And yet?
Perhaps the answer can be found in last week’s reading: “And when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him ; (Genesis 37:4). And immediately in the next verse: “And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it to his brothers, and they hated him yet the more” (37:5), and if we didn’t yet quite get how the brothers felt about Joseph, the text says again: “…And they hated him yet the more…” (37:8).
Contrast this with Joseph’s personality. Joseph “sees”. Joseph sees dreams, just like Jacob did when he was younger; Joseph sees solutions, opportunities and, mostly, he sees G-d wherever he goes. No matter if he is in a pit, sold to slavery, a servant in a compromised situation, a prisoner or second to Pharaoh, life is a godly “wow” to him. The brothers, on the other hand, don’t see anything. The last time the verb “to see” is mentioned with them, is when they see Joseph coming and they conspire to kill him (37:18). It takes awhile before the verb to see shows up again, and it is when Jacob finally sees that “there is food in Egypt” (42:1). That “seeing” is what leads to the family’s meeting, resolution and ultimate reunion. Continue and hear Judah’s words when he asks their father to take little Benjamin with them (by the way, according to tradition, at this point, Benjamin was already a grown man and father to his own children). Judah implores Jacob, telling him that Joseph said: “You shall not see my face, unless your brother be with you.” (43:5). And last, after the emotional meeting and revelation (coming up next week), Joseph says to them: “And, behold, your eyes (now) see…” (45:12).
I am struck this week with the blinding power of hatred; how much we miss when we let ourselves be engulfed in hatred!
We don’t know what Joseph’s intentions were when he initially told the brothers his dreams. We “assume” he was a show off but the ones who read ill-will into his words were his brothers, not him. Perhaps Joseph wanted to share his joy at the fact that he sees them all together in the future! Up until now, always the younger one was “chosen” and the older one went off to establish another people. This is the first time all the children continue to be the “Children of Israel”, and obviously, one needs to be the leader. Joseph, as one of the younger ones, son of beloved Rachel, and a dreamer like his dad, was perfect for the task!
But the brothers couldn’t stand him, and therefore couldn’t even imagine anything good in his words. Their hatred shut off their ability to see and hear him.
Miketz, this week’s reading, is often read around Hanukkah. Again, there is darkness. Again, we have an opportunity to add a small light, to make a conscious decision to see.
Shabbat Shalom & Haukkah Same’ach.

 

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Light One Candle: On Joseph and Hanukkah

Posted on December 12, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

It might be no wonder that when Jacob meets Pharaoh in 2 Torah portions, Jacob will tell him: “… few and unhappy have been the years of my life…” (Genesis 47:8-9).
The reading this week begins with the words Vayeshev, “and Jacob settled”… (37:1). We might think – finally! After all the troubles, the tension between his parents, the threatening brother, the escape, 20 years of hard labor at his father in law’s, the switching of his wives, the struggle with the angel, the scary meeting with Esau, the loss of his beloved wife at childbirth, the rape of his only daughter and his sons revenge thereafter, it’s time for Jacob to “settle”.
That’s maybe what Jacob thought as well, but new trouble is already brewing. The very next verse claims that “these are the generations of Jacob, Joseph was 17”, introducing us to a whole new set of challenges with teenagers.
Family therapy, as described elsewhere in this collection, might have helped them see some of the repeating patterns. For example, it says that the brothers hated Joseph (37:4). Hate is a powerful word, and sends us back to the last time we heard of hate, which was when the text tells us that Jacob hated Leah (29:31). Wait, Jacob and Leah had six kids together. Did he really hate her? Whose voice is this?
Turns out, from Jacob’s perspective, he loved Rachel more than Leah, meaning, he really loved both (29:30), but it was G-d who saw that Leah was hated. Apparently, to be compared and loved “less” – as a spouse or a child – feels like hatred, not like ‘little love” and if, sadly you’ve been there, you know that too.
When the next generation takes the stage, Leah’s and the handmaids’ children ‘pay back’: in a place where their mom felt hated, they now hate Joseph.
What does Joseph think? Surely, he knows and feels what’s going on. The brothers already butchered a whole city; they were not shy with their opinions. Is he that confident? That arrogant?
Some commentators look at the word na’ar, describing Joseph as a lad (37:2). Joseph, was not only good looking (dressed in a beautiful coat to complement his lovely appearance), but internally, he remained young at heart, truly optimist. Whatever the task, he is ready and faithful that things will be ok. No wonder he’s described as the “generations of Jacob”. He is the continuation of Jacob: one who doesn’t shy away from misfortune, or honors but faces it and overcomes it (with style!); one who doesn’t hope to “settle”, “ride” or “fall”, and just “is”.
At his father’s request, Joseph goes to look for his brothers, a “short” journey of about 85km from Hebron area to Sh’chem. The last time we heard about Sh’chem was when the brothers joined together to defend Dina’s honor and killed every male in the city by sword. Our ears should be ringing by now with scary music like in any other movie; we should scream: ‘run, Joseph, run’!
But Joseph goes, and we know the rest of the story: the brothers contemplate to kill him, and eventually sell him to a convoy of Yishma’elites who “go down” to Egypt. “Going down” is a repetitive theme of this parasha. Not only Joseph goes down to Egypt (or rather, “being taken down” – 39:1), but also Judah “goes down” from his brothers (38:1) on a whole separate story. And as if Egypt is not “down” enough, Joseph is further taken down to the bor, prison (following another scandal with a piece of garment, this time a shirt ripped and left at his master’s wife’s hand 39:7-20). Bor, by the way, literally meaning “hole”, same word that was used for the hole his brothers threw him in.
Things look bad.
With Jacob depressed, the brothers divided, Judah away and Joseph in jail? Things looked really bad.
This parasha, Vayeshev, is always read right around Hanukkah. What’s the connection?
Greece in Hebrew is Yavan. The kabalists say that if we read this word backwards we get noy, which means outward beauty. Ancient Greece was all about outward attraction: the structures, the human body, and (just like today-), it was very (very!) seductive. We could have been people of a great cultured world! What were the chances to survive this massive attack? Things looked really bad here too.
But we have a principal, that davka (especially) when it’s dark and gloomy, an unexpected light begins to shine, like a flower which sprouts from a seed which rots in the depth of the earth. In Hebrew, shachor – is black but shachar, which comes from the same root, means dawn.
There is a strange commentary teaching that Joseph is Esau’s Satan. This doesn’t translate very well but what the text is trying to say is that Joseph is like a picture’s negative to Esau: Esau looked ok to his dad on the outside, but his inside was not so. Joseph looked “pretty” on the outside, playing with his hair and clothing, but his inside was strong and amazingly reliable.
Last but not least, we started with Jacob’s lineage but we focused only on Joseph. The previous reading ended with a long list of Esau’s begets. Rashi compares it to finding a pearl in the sand, sifting through lots of names, until arriving at the right one. Likewise, the attraction of the Greek culture was being a man of the big world; do some of this and some of this, yet in the process, lose ourselves. The Torah, possibly from the root y.r.h. to shoot, asks us to focus, like the rays of the sun under a magnifying glass, and from there to create a spark.
Shabbat Shalom & Happy Hanukkah.

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ReJewvenate @ Pardes

Posted on December 7, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

“ReJewvenate @ Pardes” is an opportunity for someone in the 40 plus age group who has not experienced immersive Jewish learning, to receive a grant from reJewvenate for Pardes’ three weeks summer program. With the support of generous donors, we set out to create new and unique opportunities for the 40 plus age group in the Jewish community as we believe that exciting and purposeful Jewish learning should continue throughout one’s life. Selected from a pool of applicants, Naomi Myrvaagnes was our first grantee last summer, and her moving impressions are described below. We plan on offering the grant again in the upcoming summer. If you’d like to donate – or apply, please let me know.

ReJewvenate @ Pardes:  Pardes Summer Program and the Post-40 Set – by Naomi Myrvaagnes

As the first recipient of the reJewvenate @ Pardes grant for summer program learners over 40, I want to express my appreciation to Pardes and to the funders and initiators of the reJewvenate grant for the wonderful experience I had at the 2014 summer program.  It was a wonderful three weeks of instruction and inspiration for the older student learning for the pleasure of it.

I know I am not the only person in my age group to love Jewish learning for its own sake, to benefit from adult education offerings and to grow my knowledge through reading.  And surely I’m not the only one over forty who didn’t graduate from day school.  I know I haven’t been the only one to believe that study in Israel was somehow beyond my horizon: where would I fit in?  What about my spotty Hebrew?  For many, there is also the question of cost.  Thanks to the generous funders of the reJewvenate tuition grant, all these obstacles fell away for me.

I came, I immersed in study, I enjoyed.  I felt entirely comfortable being part of the warm, inclusive, generous-spirited community that is Pardes.  There is no Us and Them in the program; no Us and You, no Young and Old.  The marvelous faculty talks to everybody equally, at a high level that is magically accessible to all.

Such teachers!  They are so versed and so serious about the material and about teaching.  Meticulously prepared for each class, with helpful handouts.  So knowledgeable.  Humble, engaging, easy-going, encouraging, energetic.  Entertaining, as well.  My vocabulary does not suffice to praise and thank the faculty sufficiently.

Even beyond all that competence, Pardes is a magical blend of seriousness of purpose and lightness of spirit.  Faculty, students, and staff are all respectful yet warm and generous; committed to study and also to treating everyone else with respect and concern.  July, 2014 was not the most serene time to be in Jerusalem, but even though the fighting was on everyone’s mind, Pardes was a haven of caring for the here and now of its people.

A few points I’d like to offer prospective older students.  To engage in the program, even in the beginner level courses, it’s important to be able to read Hebrew, even just to decode the letters.  The more Hebrew the better, of course.  It doesn’t take a lot of Hebrew to keep up at a basic level, but in my view, at least basic literacy is necessary.

As for orientation of the program and how students of varying backgrounds and locations in the vast spectrum of Judaism fit in: the orientation of the faculty and of school practice (as with food and meals) is halachic, Modern Orthodox.  The realm of ideas and approaches to Judaism and texts is thoughtful and wide, wide open.  The program doesn’t even seem to work hard at talking a very inclusive language or responding to a wide range of viewpoints; it feels as though this openness comes naturally to faculty and staff.  One does not feel the presence of any hidden agendas.  Gender equality and inclusiveness are a given, as is open-mindedness on theology and social issues.

I had a wonderful experience in these three weeks.  I learned a goodly amount of new material, which feels like a springboard for further learning.  I feel privileged to have studied with this faculty and with the other students.  Thank you, thank you, Pardes and reJewvenate.

rejewvenate @ pardes: it's never too late to start learning

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katonti – קטונתי – and Jacob’s split life

Posted on December 5, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

A couple of years ago, Israeli dance choreographer Oren Ashkenazi choreographed the beautiful and by now famous dance “Katonti”. The words for the song, sung by Yonatan Raz’el are said to be “from the sources”, min hamekorot. Those “sources” happen to be this week’s Torah reading.
Recent years have brought Israeli dancing to new heights. No longer centered around the “hora”, now choreographers create creative dances to modern songs with steps from waltz, salsa, rumba, and much more. “Katonti” “travels” along the circle, possibly hinting Jacob’s journey as described in the opening words of this week’s reading; then we go in and out, possibly “crossing the river”, and pausing for small steps, reaching out our hands in thankfulness, expressing “katonti”.
Katonti is a very strange construct in Hebrew. Literally it would mean “I’ve smalled” (become little) as in “I’ve been humbled” or some even say “I’ve been unworthy”. Jacob feels overwhelmed by the many gifts he has received; gifts of two kinds: kindness (chasadim) and truth (emet). He is fully aware that these two are not only not identical, but also often mutually exclusive. Jacob knows what it’s like to have one without the other and expresses his gratitude for having both, together.
He knows he’s been given much, and much of it he might not directly deserve. There were promises made to his father and grandfather on which he is now making good, especially promises of kindness, chesed, to Abraham, which were intentions for the future, and only now have a chance to turn into emet, truth. Jacob’s life is far from perfect. Any fulfillment of even one of the promises is therefore due to G-d’s greatness rather than his own doings.
And yet, humility is slippery. If we think we have it, it’s gone. There is a famous midrash about the Torah being given on Mount Sinai. Mount Sinai, we’re told, was the humblest of all mountains and therefore, the Torah was given on it. But then, if humility is such a grand quality, why not give the Torah in a valley, which has no height at all? That is, answer our sages, too easy: to obtain humility when one is anyway nothing, is not such a great thing. You have to be something in order to try and be a nothing…
So, where are we in the story? Jacob just escaped from his father in law in Charan where he worked for more than 20 years for his wives and flock. He is heading back to the Land of his forefathers, a place he escaped two decades earlier, and is now about to meet Esau, his brother.
As part of the preparations for that meeting, Jacob assembles a fascinating present for Esau, splits his camp into two and sets out to pray. That’s when he says “katonti”: “I’ve been humbled by all Your kindnesses… now I’ve become two camps”. Again, Jacob’s Hebrew is seriously lacking. Shouldn’t he say: ‘now I had to divide my family into two camps’ or any variation on that? What is this “I’ve become two camps” – עתה הייתי לשני מחנות (Genesis 32:11)?
Jacob is the one who goes through a name change from Jacob to Israel, but forever will be known by both, not either (like no one else); though he travels to the Land, he has lived a significant portion of his life elsewhere and more is waiting for him (going “down” to Egypt); he lives with two wives, one who he fell in love with, and one who he grew to love. He experiences great tragedy and great joy; loneliness and self reliance, side by side with absolute faith. He meets good and bad people as well as angels.
For me, “now I’ve become two camps” is Jacob realizing that the external split is a reflection of the split within him. The realization comes to him right as he is about to enter the Land of Israel. Right there, is where he knows that while he‘d like it to be about “the right place”, the “right wife”, the “right child”, the split is  carried within him. And yet, only Jacob is the proud father of the “Children of Israel”, as all his sons become leaders of the future tribes. That is what he gives to us too: we, his future children, might have inherited that split within us, that so often, when we’re “there”, we want to be “here”. We have “become the split camp” – and yet, in spite of the tension, the only way to be whole (shalem) and in peace (shalom) is to not let go of any part within us, but hold both together.

Shabbat Shalom.

By Gustave Dore, 1832-1883

By Gustave Dore, 1832-1883

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On Jacob’s Journey, Thanksgiving & Black Friday

Posted on November 28, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Like his grandfather, like his great-great-grandchildren, and like us too, Jacob set on a journey, and so, the opening word – and the name – of this week’s reading is vayetze, “and (he) exited”. Rashi points to us the fact that this word is not needed. It would have been enough to say, Jacob went… but Jacob was a righteous person, and his departure, very noticeable. Kdushat Levi (Torah commentary written by Reb Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev, 1740–1810) adds that it should have said, vayered, and he went down, as most departures from Israel are considered a going “down”, but it doesn’t. Supposedly, the land’s holiness went with Jacob wherever he went. There are those who say his mom wanted him to leave, and his father, wanted him to go find a wife in Haran. In order to fulfill both his parents’ commands, the text repeats both: “and he left, and he went” (Genesis 28:10).
Rabbi Hirsch takes a slightly different look and says that this is so critical because it introduces a new section – the independent life of Jacob. He bases it on the fact that we already know Jacob left. We were told so in last week’s parasha, when Rebecca tells Jacob to go (Genesis 27:43), when Isaac tells him to go (28:2), when Isaac sends him again (28:5) and when the text clearly says: “and Jacob listened to his father and his mother and went”… (28:7).
But now we’re told yet again, “and Jacob left”. The departure itself is what’s important because unlike Abraham, his grandfather, Jacob travels alone and as far as we know, with mostly nothing. This is reinforced by his encounter with G-d, which happens right after his departure, and of whom Jacob asks to give him “bread to eat and clothing to wear” (28:20). Indeed, he only took one thing: his father’s “blessing”, proving that the blessing was not any physical-materialistic gains but spiritual ones. It also lets us know that any gains he might achieve are due to who he is and how he conducts himself, and not to the fact that he started out better off.
Jacob is us. As parents, we hate seeing our children leave; as kids, we hesitate taking the journey. Not everybody’s journey means traveling around the globe and living (at least for now-) 8000 miles away from home, but our forefathers seem to tell us that some space away is often needed for one’s growth.
Relationship:
It’s hard to talk about this parasha and not look at Jacob and his wives. Indeed, lots of things in Jacob’s life are not what they initially seem to be, but no doubt, one of the most complex is his marriage. Hints that things won’t work out right are already there his first meeting with Rachel: he saw her, he kissed her, he burst out crying, then he told her who he is, and then she went to tell her family (29:11-12). His love for her is so great that he is willing to work for her seven years and then another seven; he protects her in the upcoming meeting with Esau and spoils their first born, and yet, he ends his life with Leah, and is buried next to her. In the tension between nature (in this case, falling in love) and nurture (the daily grunt of building a relationship), Jacob provides us with a lot of room for thought.

Thanksgiving:
Imagine: dinner at Lavan’s tent, shortly before Jacob is planning to leave and head back to his father’s land. The father in law; the mother in law? their sons and their families; Jacob, two wives, two maid-servants, eleven sons and at least one daughter. Anytime we plan to complain about family during this “holiday season”, we can pause and think of Jacob.

Black Friday:
More people shop on Black Friday than vote, even in the best attended elections which means that: 1. If we want more people to vote, we should consider placing the polling stations at the entrance to Macy’s and Wal-Mart. 2. As long as this does not happen, how we shop is going to be more important than how we vote (courtesy of Lotem).

Rachel_and_Jacob

 

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Oakland

Posted on November 26, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Oakland, the evening after Ferguson; Oakland after Michael Brown; Oakland after Trayvon Martin; Oakland after Oscar Grant; Oakland after the Super Bowl of 2003. And that of 2009.

My son and I take Zoe, our golden-lab for a walk and join the crowd. It’s after 10pm but the area around Lake Merritt swarms with people. Cars are held back. The 580 just opened after protestors lay on the freeway blocking all westbound traffic. Four or five helicopters circle pretty much right above our home when I finally do manage to park there.
By the time we get to the Grand and Macarthur intersection, only smoke remains from the fire set there. The fire trucks flash their lights and sirens, and head elsewhere. The mixed crowd is mostly quiet and somber, unsure what to do next. We are not well versed in riots. We didn’t come with signs. We’re in our semi-slippers and sweats. We have nothing on us short of house keys and a phone. And a bag in case Zoe needs to go. People around us look like a variation of the same.
“The whole Oakland Police Department is here tonight”, says one bystander with a sad smile, “there must be no crime anywhere else around”. The long line of well armed, fully geared police force is facing the protestors from a nearby though safe distance. There are “whites” and “blacks” on both sides. When the police instruct their men and women to stand together “shoulder by shoulder” and start sweeping the street, marching towards downtown, we retreat to the grassy area. The beautiful lights around Lake Merritt reflect in the water and glisten.
Oakland has been our home for almost three years now. What started out as a “coincidence” (‘how about this house?’) turned into a love story. Aside from the lake, the stairs, the shops, the art walk, the endless food options, the bike path near the bay and the trails among the redwoods, it’s the people. One day I walked out to the bus stop at the corner to go meet my daughter for lunch. The man waiting there, an older, tall gentleman in a suit started a conversation. “Are you headin’ to downtown? We should be just in time for the concert”. Needless to say, I had no idea there were weekly lunch time concerts in the summer, but for the next 10 minutes I learned about that, saw his grandchildren’s pictures and heard stories about his army service. The concert (a Beatles imitation) was fun; no pretense, just 30 minutes of old rock. The crowd, cheering enthusiastically, again was very mixed: Young mothers with strollers; tourists; artists; business men and women; a homeless pushing a cart. The atmosphere was pleasant. Most people smiled. As is often the case, the sun was out.
In a way, that chance (“-“) encounter became symbolic for me of Oakland: that very friendly, flowy, mostly harmless, yes, hipster too, city. It might be a bus, Bart, post office line, slack-line line; it’s the student trying to sign you up on a petition and ending up chatting for a while, regardless of how many people walk by; it’s the council member taking time to talk in the street; it’s those who sit on their stoop and call out ‘great smile’ and ‘what a beautiful dog’ (yeh, I confess, anybody can buy me with that). People here live with people.
Some looting occurs later in downtown as a “group of hardcore” break into a couple of store, but where we are people are walking peacefully. Oakland is pained, and it doesn’t take much to turn a healing scar into an open wound. I look around and hope for the mayor / newly elected mayor / both mayors / someone! to show up and say something like –
‘Tomorrow, we’ll get up “as usual”. Buses will run. PG&E will take care of our electricity. The garbage will be collected. Coffee will be served. Joggers will go out for a run. Teachers will wait for your child at school. But tonight, it’s ok to hurt. Let’s all sit together and light candles, one by one. Let’s sing soul songs. Let’s stay here all night and cry over the police officer who is faced with an impossible job; the jury who has to opt for an impossible verdict; the mother and father who are scared to send their son to the store because he’s young. And black. And over us too, slightly lost and still hoping for a better tomorrow’.

Of course, no one shows. We continue to walk some more and then head home. I’m reminded of the words of Hillel, and the Lorax too, that change won’t come from any outside magical place, that there is no “they” out there, that it’s up to us.

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Isaac: not the usual strength

Posted on November 21, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Isaac and Rebecca are only with us for one, not-too-long Torah portion. We already met them last week: him in his walking, silent meditation; her, working hard at the well to water the servant’s camels, chatting happily, making bold decisions. They have such different energies, and yet they fall in love, or better yet, she falls off the camel; He brings her into his mother’s tent and finds comfort. It is the first time in the Torah that the word “love” appears in conjunction with a man and a woman. Until now, couples “knew” each other; they walked with each other; they argued with each other; they dealt with their offsprings, family, animals and immediate environment with each other; but there was no love between them, not until Isaac and Rebecca.
The psychologists of the Bible will tell us that Isaac suffers from PTSD after the binding, and even the midrash tell us he was blinded then by his father’s knife, shining and glimmering in the sunlight, and something very deep snapped in him forever. He’s a “wimp”, a mama boy, a yes-man to his wife, a gullible old man; the weak link between Abraham and Jacob, a space holder. Next…
But then, right in the middle of their story, we meet a very different Isaac which sheds a very different light on everything else.
“And Isaac sowed in the land and in that year, and he reached one hundred markets (gates), and G-d blessed him” (Genesis 26:12) G-d, by the way, only speaks to Isaac once, but the meditating Isaac walks with G-d all the time. G-d blesses him, and he feels that blessing. Maybe Isaac does things right and G-d doesn’t need to chat with him; besides, he has Rebecca. So then comes the next verse: “and this mentch grew, and he kept on growing more, until he was exceedingly great” (26:13). Rav Hirsch says grew here means he became prosperous. One way or another, the word “grew, big” etc, repeats within 9 words – 3 times. Further, the Torah opts to call him an “ish”, not only a man, but a real mentch. And it goes on to tell us he acquired great possessions, and that the Philistines were jealous of him. Chances are the Philistines wouldn’t envy a weak old wimp. But they envied Isaac.
Let’s go back again: After the binding, Isaac went back to Hebron, where Sarah died and where her tent – where he later brought Rebecca to be his wife – was. Abraham, however, went to Be’er Sheva and remarried, had more kids and went on with his life. Some say, that Isaac, after the binding and his mother’s death, wanted nothing to do with his father, therefore, we don’t hear them talk again. In fact, though Abraham grew wealthier, since Isaac wanted nothing with him, Isaac didn’t really get of that wealth until Abraham died. That is also why Jacob cooks the lentil porridge, a poor people’s food, and why they are so dependent on Esau’s hunting for their food. According to this view, Isaac was not at all rich, but he still felt blessed and the Philistines still envied him, maybe they envied him exactly because of that feeling. Later, earning his neighbors’ respect, they will call him, bruch hashem, the one blessed by G-d.
It’s not easy being Abraham’s son, and Isaac has to create that careful balance between doing his own thing and being his father’s successor. According to our tradition, Abraham smashed his father’s idols. If Isaac did the same, and smashed his father’s god, we wouldn’t be here today. But he could also not be his father. He had to be himself. This comes across in the story of him digging and re-digging his father’s wells – and some would say, learning his father’s Torah, because Torah is likened to water. And he calls the wells names – the names that his father called them.
The shepherds in the region fight with him over the water and the wells, as Hirsch says: (it’s as if they say): “yes, you dug the well; the hole is yours but the water is ours”. This goes on until Isaac digs his own well. Then, there is no fighting. Isaac goes to Be’er Sheva (yes, where Abraham lived), and that is the one and only time that G-d officially appears to him, and gives him His blessing.
There is one more interesting encounter between Isaac and G-d, when G-d grants him his wish, to have children. The midrash portrays the picture of Isaac and Rebecca, each in another side of the room praying for each other. Unlike his sons and father, the idea of taking another wife doesn’t even enter the discussion here. Whatever it is, they will do together. Some say, that there were moments when Rebecca already gave up. She said, I don’t want to be the mom of the Esau; let someone else birth him. I’ll just be Jacob’s mom, but Isaac, perhaps because he lived through that with his mom, dad, Hagar and Yishma’el, was not going to let that happen again. And yes, maybe they pay for that elsewhere, but then, that is who they are.
The Kabalistic sfirot identified him with gvura, bravery: quiet, solid, reliable kind of Jewish bravery, no flare, no looking for rewards. Even his name is in the future tense. Twenty years of waiting, but he has time.

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Opposites Attract – or complementary opposites attract: An Intro to Isaac & Rebecca

Posted on November 14, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Sometimes the Torah is so stingy with words, and sometimes it goes on and on… We know close to nothing about Abraham’s first 75 years, but the longest chapter in the Torah is dedicated to one afternoon in the life of his servant. And not only do we hear of every detail in the meeting between the servant and Rivkah, Isaac’s future wife, but the whole story also repeats word for word just a few verses later, when the servant retells it all to Rivkah’s family.
Well, word for word – almost, and davka because of the scarcity of words in the Torah, those details and that repetition can shed some light on a few insights.
For example, when the Torah tells the story about their meeting at the well, it says that the servant gave her the golden jewelry, and only then asked her, who she is and who is her family (Genesis 24:22-23). But, when he told her brother and father what happened, he says: “Then I asked her, saying, whose daughter are you?… then I put the ring… and bracelets… (24:47).
Why change the order? There is a statement in the Talmud: “… just like it is a mitzvah to say something that will be (or can be) heard, so it is a mitzvah to not say something that can’t be heard (Yevamot 65,2)
אמר רבי אילעא משום רבי אלעזר ברבי שמעון:
כשם שמצווה על אדם לומר דבר הנשמע, כך מצווה על אדם שלא לומר דבר שאינו נשמע” (יבמות ס”ה ב’).
Commentaries suggest that Abraham’s servant changes the order of things because he knows that those around him wouldn’t be able to hear nor share in his excitement – finding a wife for Isaac per his master’s request, and so, he prefers to tell the story in a way that would make sense to his listeners, even if slightly rearranged to their liking.
In doing so, the servant shows great sensitivity and wisdom, which – some say – he learned from Abraham, teaching us how important our immediate environment is. Rivkah knew that too, and therefore when her family asked her, will go with this man? She said, I will, as if she knew that she, like her future father (and mother) in law, needs to leave home and travel far in order to really become who she is called to be.
The chapter also gives us a quick intro into the next couple of the Torah: she is lively, beautiful, kind, caring, out-going; she’s social, street smart, and has initiative. We meet him walking in the field at dusk, alone, meditating. He should have been the one traveling with a convoy of camels to bring her home! He, who according to tradition was already 40, should have been the one asking his father for a wife, making a minimal effort! But he doesn’t.
Some say, he was traumatized at the binding, and of course, the binding “didn’t help”, but a careful read reveals that he was passive long before the binding. His mother fought his battles against his brother; his father decided on him as potential sacrifice. Indeed, Isaac is very different from him father, who rose against his own father. Isaac is different – and lucky for us, he is, because if Isaac was like Abraham, and “smashed the gods” he found in his father’s home, there wouldn’t be Jews in the world today.
But let us not mistake his passivity for weakness, for he will exhibit his own kind of strength next week, digging and re-digging his father’s wells.
For now, he is happy with Rivkah. She is nothing like him, and so very perfect for him. And at the end of the chapter, we come across another verse which might look to us mixed-up: “And Isaac brought her (Rivkah) into the tent of Sarah, his mother; he married Rivkah and she became his wife, and he loved her, and then Isaac was comforted after his mother(‘s passing)” (Genesis 24:67). First marriage, then love? This might be surprising in our society, but then, Isaac and Rivkah are also the only couple among our forefathers who doesn’t add a maidservant, a second wife, no one else, in spite of challenges that threaten to tear them apart. Again, the Torah is scarce when sharing information about their life, and some say that is because except for a couple of incidences we’ll hear about next week, their life together was set right from the start and they lived ‘happily ever after’ together.

Shabbat Shalom.

rebekah-at-the-well

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Part II: The 1st Marriage Counselor and other Family Matters

Posted on November 7, 2014 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Abraham and Homework
The Torah devotes lengthy chapters to Abraham, and in all of them, “forgot” to tell us, why did G-d choose him in the first place. After all, when we met Noah, we heard about how righteous and whole hearted he was, but when G-d called on Abraham, He just says, go, and Abraham goes.
The midrash adds flavor and color, telling us about the idol-making father and his workshop; young Abraham’s discoveries about the sun and the moon; the test with king Nimrod and the fiery furnace. And yet, the more they tell us, the more it’s obvious that they too, are deeply bothered because the Torah itself is silent.
There is one hint in this week’s parasha (Genesis 18:19): כי ידעתיו למען יצווה את בניו
Accordingly, G-d chose Abraham because He “knew Abraham will teach his children”, a verse which is good for about 10 seconds and then, just raises more questions, because if G-d “knows things” about us in the future, what’s the use of our free will and efforts to do good? Why test the poor guy with the toughest test of all at the akeida, if G-d already “knew it”? And mostly, where is the rest of the verse? It’s great that Abraham will teach his children, but what? What is it that Abraham will teach his children?? Where is there even one thing that Abraham tells Isaac to do?
Recent studies show that what we do with our kids matters less than who we are (no surprise and no pressure! :). All those hours we spend dragging them to fascinating museum exhibits and weekly story hour in the library turn out less critical in their upbringing than whether we have books in our own home.
Likewise, Abraham was not to teach his children anything in particular. It didn’t matter what exactly he was doing, whether he was fighting kings, caring for his nephew, traveling abroad, trying to resolve home front disputes, arguing with G-d, or opening his home to unknown guests. In all his doings, he was the same incredibly caring, devoted, committed man of the One G-d. Abraham was to be who he is, and by doing so, teach us how to be too.

“All that Sarah says listen to her voice” (Genesis 21:12)
As noted in last week’s comments here, G-d never speaks to Abraham without Sarah. Their partnership is so complete that when Abraham says, let’s go, she goes, and when they open their home to spiritual wanderers, she takes on supporting him and teaching the women. When they go to Egypt, he guards her and she plays along as sister; when they return and bid farewell to her (selfish!) brother, we hear of no complaints from her, and when strangers appear in their tent, they host them together.
Likewise, when she, who according to our sages, posses greater spiritual insights than he does, tells him to have a child with Hagar, he complies. Is it because the task is pleasant and easy to say yes to? Because they have no idea what they are facing? or because they do everything together for the sake of a greater mission?
We just know that he goes and does her bidding, just like she does his, without a qualm. Then comes the moment that Sarah says, ‘ok, this is not working for me anymore’, and Abraham balks. It is then that G-d has to show up in their tent.
I used to like this scene and even be a little envious; I thought that Sarah must have felt very powerful to have connections with such an ally; it would be so nice if G-d showed up in my house to resolve disputes so neatly, and in my favor!!
Then it dawned on me how weak it feels to not be able to explain yourself and communicate with our nearest and dearest, to need someone else to explain for you and intervene on your behalf; to have G-d Himself show up! At the binding, an angel was sufficient. Abraham was so attuned, so expecting someone, Something to stop him! but not here. A little tap on the shoulder is not enough, nor a quick reminder with a wink from the other side of the room, not even an ‘hey Abe, in children matters or home matters, listen to what she says; I’ll make it up for you elsewhere’, nothing, but a booming voice that says, “all she says”!
How does she feel? Does she say to herself, ‘I’m so great!’? or, ‘oh, that’s ok, I understand, must be hard for him’? or does she feel an ache that he can’t hear her? that he doesn’t trust her to know to do G-d’s bidding, to direct him to what’s right for him? For both of them?
Rav Hirsch points out that the text even says, “listen to her voice” rather than ‘her words’. Her words didn’t matter, whether they appealed to him or not; he should have trusted her judgment: “her insight are deeper than yours, for women generally have penetrating insights into human character”, says the 19th century (Orthodox!) Torah giant.
After this, Abraham and Sarah never speak again (in the Torah).
Commentators will point out to the fact that he got up “early in the morning” (Genesis 22:3) to take Isaac to the binding before Sarah woke up, so he won’t have to deal with her again. They continue and say that Satan told her that Abraham is taking her beloved baby (age 37) to be bound on the altar and her heart just gave out and she died; some say, that Satan told her than both are coming back, thus she knew her life mission failed because in order for both, Abraham and Isaac, to come back, one of them had to object G-d’s commandment.
But I don’t like either option: the image of Sarah as feeble or self-centered old lady doesn’t work for me; the image of their relationship as a couple who betrays each other, goes behind each other’s backs, sneaks out “early” – and all that after G-d already showed up once in their tent – also doesn’t work for me.
I want to believe that G-d had to intervene for the same reason He always does: to put things back in order; to help us move along the right path. Once that was done, they could continue their joint work. That work was complete at the binding, when it has become widely known that there is a true heir to their way of life, and that the heir has a potential bride (Genesis 22:20-23). At that point, their mission as a couple was complete.
This makes sense because we know Abraham to fulfill G-d’s commandments and just the same, he would keep this instruction too; but maybe it’s just me and my need to know that “happily ever after” is not fairy-tale material, but belongs to real role models of our tradition, that we too can emulate.
Shabbat Shalom

ClayDetailAbrahamSarah

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