Darkness and New Beginnings

Posted on January 1, 2016 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

New Year’s Eve, Haifa, 2016. We’re walking back after watching the fireworks amidst raindrops, trying to figure out what is the origin of this custom we too got drawn into, and celebrate by default. I can’t help but bring up the Jewish roots of both Christmas and New Year’s. I can’t escape the parallels between Christmas and Hanukkah, both beginning on the 24th – in the evening – of their respective months, symbolically, or actually, 3 days after the winter solstice, and emphasizing the theme of lights. Christmas and New Years are also (the only?) two Christian holidays which start on the evening before, just like Jewish days (Genesis 1: “and there was evening, and (then) there was morning…”); and, If Christmas is Jesus’ birth, then New Year’s is the day of his brit (or bris, covenant of circumcision), which, I find that it is still observed as such in the Anglican and Lutheran Church. Before the Gregorian calendar, introduced in the 1500’s, in pre-Christian Rome, there was a Julian calendar, starting with January, and dedicated to Janus, the god of beginnings and Gateways.

Switch and turn to this week’s Torah portion, and find we are opening the Book of Shmot, or Exodus. Shmot literally means “names”, retelling us who came down to Egypt and what happened there. Interestingly, Genesis was about the journey of individuals, and when their linage was told, we heard about toldot, “the begets”, from the root of births. Now that we’re moving to the story of a People, we switch to the story of a Nation.

As we know, and read every Passover, and as is repeated in modern days, what started out as a short trip (to get some food) and quick relocation endeavor, turned into a long term settlement which span over generations. Now “a new Pharaoh rises, who knows not Joseph” (Exodus 1:8). First there is a plan, then hard work, then enslavement and bitter torture. The situation looks bad, and dark.

Then the next chapter opens, and like any good TV drama, the scene changes: while slavery is going on outside, we’re now in the home of some man and some woman of the tribe of Levi, names not mentioned; the woman is pregnant, and gives birth to a boy, who will grow up to be Moses, the leader who will be instrumental in the redemption of the people from their predicament.

And, it might be cliché, and it’s not the first time, nor the last (we are slow to learn!), but once again we’re reminded, that dawn comes after the darkest part of the night. Rav Kook is quoted to say that for a plant to grow, the seed must rot in the ground, a process which must be uncomfortable, painful, unwanted and so dark on many levels; a process we would much rather avoid, or talk about theoretically rather than go through, but turns out that is not possible. Coincidentally, this is what we should be celebrating today too: the beginning of longer days (later Shabbat 🙂 and more light.

Much ink has been spilled on the verse quoted above: “a Pharaoh who knew not Joseph”. What is this “knowing”? Did Pharaoh not study history? Is it really possible that anyone didn’t “know” that because of Joseph, Egypt and the whole region was saved? To gain some more insight, we should check the first time the word “to know” appears in the Torah, which was when Adam “knew” Eve and she bore a son (Genesis 4:1). The common translation is that they “had relations”, but if that is it, what would we do with Pharaoh here?? Turns out that “to know” is really “to connect”, and often on a deeper level. Adam and Eve’s connection bore a promise for continuity; Pharaoh, maybe “knew” Joseph in the way we think of knowing some random fact, but it didn’t mean anything to him; he was not connected to that fact and it didn’t matter to him, thus he really didn’t “know” it.

We can’t be connected all the time to everything; we can’t also live in eternal bright light, which by the way, is often how the afterlife is described, thus being a time when we are not alive in this world. But it’s interesting to think of darkness as a form of disconnect and of light – as a form of renewed meaningful connection, and from there, sort out where we’d like to light our flame.

Shabbat Shalom.

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weihnachten whining

Posted on December 25, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

I love Christmas. Maybe because I don’t have to do anything for it. And maybe because in a strange way it reminds me of my childhood: the very multicultural city I grew up in, when this was a simple, obvious reality, and not an overly used buzz word; the sparkling cards we got from friends and relatives abroad; and my own mother, fumbling with the radio dial to find Christmas songs, waiting to watch the midnight mass from Beth Lechem, just because it reminded her of her long lost childhood in Germany before the War.
On this Christmas morning Zoe, our golden lab, can sense that I’m not going to work and that we’re going on a longer walk, though it’s not Shabbat (she can tell I have my phone). The streets are quiet; the few people out are smiling; most stores are closed; there is the scent of wood burning stoves… I want to get in the middle of the almost empty freeway and yell: guys, let’s do this more often!!

*******

Dear fb friends who are writing messages such as “merry Xmas to all my Christian friends!”, please stop. Who are your Christian friends?? Do you not know their names? Would you really feel personally “blessed” when someone says, ‘happy yum kipur to all my jewy friends’?? Any benefits to that? and sorry for asking, but do you actually have “Christian friends”? I mean, are those who are not like you “Christian”, or are they celebrating the 25th of December because that’s what everybody does today? Do you know the details of their faith? And those of your “friendship”? How many of those do you have?? Then please, write them a real note.

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Two shorts on life (Vayechi) and a page from the Journal of…

Posted on December 25, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

My friends and I. For decades now we meet in each others homes, wherever those are, share food and drink and stories from our days. In good Israeli fashion, the conversation often ends with a deep sigh and a yihye tov comment, “it will be good”, as in, some day, somehow, someplace, somewhere, but surely not here, not now.
The Torah reading of this week talks about the death of two great leaders, Jacob and Joseph, father and son. There’s a lot about burial customs, and crying and mourning, but it’s still called Vayechi, “and he lived”, from the word chayim, life. As it’s been said, “everybody dies, but not everybody lives”. It’s all about ‘living one’s life’ and ‘what we do with ourselves in this world’, and ‘be here and now’, right?
Well, almost. Life has to have a present, for sure, but it also must have a future. Having only one of them ultimately creates some form of reckless living, and when taken to extreme we see those who only care about the “fun” in the world to come, or alternatively, the “fun” here without a tomorrow. While the notorious yihye tov looks at what’s hopefully coming, the setting of when it is said is usually already tov, often very tov.
* * * * * * *
The 1st grade students listen attentively as we read this week’s parasha and are immediately alarmed: “hey, how come Joseph instructs his brothers regarding his death? He was the second youngest! They are older! He should not die before them! That’s not fair”!!
Yes, my dear, it’s not fair. And to be totally fair, we don’t even know what fair really means.
* * * * * * *
The midrash is called by some a “lacuna filler”: it looks for holes in the text and adds content and color where there’s a gap. We’re told that the Children of Israel came down to Egypt with “70 souls”, but a careful count of the names reveals only 69 (Genesis 46:8-27)! Who’s missing? The midrash itself offers more than one answer. I picked one. Here’s a page from that person’s imaginary journal.

… after what happened, my mom just disappeared from the story. The gossipers just couldn’t stop: It’s probably her fault, they said, she brought it on herself; she was her “mother’s daughter”, the mother also “going out” when she wanted a night with her husband, and now that daughter, a young lady herself, the only daughter among 12 sons, “goes out” to visit with her girlfriends. Or maybe, said others, it was him, the good looking, insistent prince whose father ruled the ancient city, who fell madly in love, who didn’t know what love was, the one who was to be my father??
My father. I never got to meet him. My two uncles got to him first, the ones who worried so much about the family’s honor… were they brave or crazy? Only my saba (grandfather) was able to hold all these contradictions in his heart…
Saba. He got my mom to live in a small hut in a Canaanite village near Sh’chem, so that his overly zealous sons would not kill me too, determined to erase my father’s memory… That’s where I was born and where I spent my early years. Mom told me much about the special teachings G-d gave her great-grandfather, and I loved to listen. It was peaceful, so Iremember, and anyway, a child is never fully aware of the role she might be having in the grand drama of life, except one day…
I went to retrieve a little lamb hiding in a s’ne, a little thorn bush. As I reached over, all of a sudden I saw through the thicket my uncles in the valley below. They were yelling at each other, pulling something this way and that. Then I saw his colorful coat, blood dripping from it. Yes, I knew it was his, of course, everybody knew, mom told me all about it, and me, I just… already then, of course… but let me not get ahead of myself.
It slowly became obvious that my life was in danger too, and that my mom won’t be able to protect me, just like Jacob was not able to protect his beloved son… I too had no doubt of her love, but the burden was too big, with no father, no money, little sustenance, and a bad reputation, there was no future. Grandpa had me sent to Egypt, and a convoy of merchants took me to be the maid of Potifar’s wife…
That’s where we finally met, two Hebrew slaves in the palace, polishing someone else’s floor, trying to brighten our own dreams… I thought the world of him, right away; his eyes, his posture, his intelligent sayings… everything about him made sense, as if I’ve known him forever, as if I was finally home. Our lives were almost a reflection of each other… At first we were scared, but unable to stay away from each other, we would sit and talk till so late in the night, the palace still, the breeze in the bulrushes and the full moon over the Nile… he brought back to my life everything that was good in the world, wisdom, kindness, beauty, I was so happy! Slavery in that palace all of a sudden seemed like a blessing… and slowly we realized the miracle of us, how we were each others reflection…
But then, one day, I remember so clearly, it was late afternoon. He was sweeping the big yard, while I was walking behind Mrs. Potifar, holding the heavy fan for her on her way to her dinner, my arms straining. He looked up at me, and oh, that look! There was so much love in his eyes! It was as if he was saying, I’ll see you soon, my dear, I know your days are long but I’ll hold you gently till you fall asleep softly in my arms…
Unfortunately, I was not the only one who saw that look; not the only one who realized what that look says. For a moment I thought our secret was revealed but then, worse! She thought his loving look was directed at her!! Silly, lonely woman!! She wished! From that day on, she kept pestering him, on and on, calling him to her chambers for no real reason, breaking things purposely, “needing” stuff that “only he could do”… until… well, you know what happened…
More than two years he was in jail. And I couldn’t do anything to get him out. Instead I stole a small bucket which I filled with delicacies and hung from a long rope down to the dungeon. Sometimes, I would add little inspiring messages on papyrus, or sit outside singing for him…
Then, one day, chariots were sent, with well dressed messengers carrying fine linen, a change of clothing for him, what a commotion! Summoned back to the palace, he was asked to interpret Pharaoh’s dream, and was quickly declared second to the king. That’s when I was given to him as a wife, a perfect match, another well trained, well behaved servant from the palace, a dime a dozen. Little did they know about our love…
I bore him two sons, Efrayim and Menashe, and while they grew up here, we both taught them everything we know, so that one day, one day… we knew it was just a matter of time… yesterday they received their grandfather’s blessing. I stood in the corner, watching the old man and thinking about our journey, what it took us to get to this moment and what’s still ahead. For the first time in years, tears rolled down my cheeks and I just cried.

Shabbat Shalom!

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Who’s Plan & A Wonderful Meeting

Posted on December 19, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Last summer I had a fabulous opportunity to meet a very dear friend whom I haven’t seen for more than 20 years. As I waited nervously, I looked around at the people passing by, wondering, ‘is that him’ ‘is that’… I could not imagine what he would look like and was afraid I won’t recognize him. Then he showed up and tapped me on the shoulder, and within seconds we were chatting as if no time has passed. Short of few wrinkles and some grey we both added, it seemed like nothing much has changed.
This week we read about an amazing meeting, when Joseph and his brothers reunite, “surprised” to discover he is the viceroy of Egypt, and yes, I put “surprised” in quotation marks because I can’t help wonder, how come Joseph’s brothers didn’t recognize him?
Sure, it’s been 20 years. And Joseph, who left is 17, grew and was now 37 years old. And he wore different clothing. And had a new name. And was “out of context”. But was he really? After all, if anyone, the brothers knew very well they sold him to a convoy going down to Egypt, the next door neighboring country, only a few miles away! And the convoy was of “Yishmaelites”, possibly distant relatives! And then, this beautiful, wonder child just vanished? And, when they heard about a great wise new leader there who saves the whole region from a horrible famine by “interpreting dreams”, they didn’t even have the slightest suspicion that their brother is there?
A careful read reveals that there is a lot of sub-text between the brothers until the final “I am Joseph” “sudden” cry (Genesis 45:3).
Joseph on his end knows who they are immediately and purposefully does not reveal himself. On the surface, this appears as revenge: he is now in power and can mistreat them as they have done to him. But a deeper insight shows otherwise.
Joseph until now, contrary to what we superficially tend to think, saw not much blessing in his dreams: the first set got him thrown in a pit and sold to slavery, while the second kept him in jail for two extra years. Only when he analyzes Pharaoh’s dreams, his fate changes. Upon meeting the brothers, he doesn’t know yet which way is this going to turn. Further, before revealing himself, he needs to know if the brothers have any second thoughts about what they have done to him. Had he, as second to Pharaoh just asked them, they would be likely to say, ‘of course we’re sorry’. Therefore, he had to recreate the situation where they can get rid of him again and see if this time they would do something else. The best way to find out is by putting Benjamin in harm’s way and seeing how they respond.
But how about the brothers?
Judah’s speech is one of the most moving encounters in the whole Bible. It is also one of the most inaccurate retelling of what happened prior, and full of mismatched details between the speech and reality. For example, Judah says, “my master has asked his servants if we have a father or brother (44:19) but Joseph never asked that. Judah also inserts a detail about Jacob which Joseph doesn’t know, that his father is still hopeful to see him.
Reading it so, turns out, Judah’s speech is constructed carefully so that if the person in front of him is not Joseph, none of those details would mean anything to a stranger; but if he is Joseph, then the message of care, remorse, love and hope would come across.
Only when those do, that is when Joseph “can’t hold it back”, asking all the leave as he reveals himself. The Torah if so, like in many other dialogs, demands that we look beyond the superficial content and try to hear the subtext; what’s really going on.

One trip, 3 plans…
With Jacob hears that his son is alive and well in Egypt, he plans his trip “down” there. Indeed, for Jacob, who already once reluctantly left his homeland, traveling away is a “down”, and what he tells himself is that he is just going to see Joseph before he (Jacob) dies for a short visit (Genesis 46:28).
Joseph, however, knows this can’t be a short visit for there are another five years of famine (45:6).
But G-d knows the bigger plan yet, which is revealed to Jacob on his way, in a nightly vision: “”Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt for these I will make you a great nation… (46:2-4), and clearly, it is going to take longer than a short visit or even five years to make a nation.
When G-d gives this vision, He calls Jacob – Yisrael, his “national”, spiritual name. Jacob finally is assured that unlike his father and grandfather, all his children will be united for one cause and become a whole nation. Towards the end of his life, even the challenges and hardship of life come together and make sense.
It’s a longer discussion whether Jacob was lucky or not to hear the full plan. At least we were left with a message that somewhere, Someone knows and Things are supposed to make sense, even when we don’t quite see it.

Shabbat Shalom

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Freud’s Parasha (shabbat shalom & sweet dreams)

Posted on December 12, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Is this where Freud and Yung got their ideas from? Joseph is the king of dreams, and I am fascinated by what the people of long ago thought about the subject. Obviously, Joseph, his brothers, father and even Pharaoh who saw himself like G-d, all believed, in fact, in the power of the subconscious, and in dreams being a window into that world. They knew that there is “stuff” that our mind works out while we’re asleep, and that sleep is not entirely inactive (they probably didn’t “dream” that one day we will invent something that can make us even more inactive than sleep…). Rather sleep is a place to go through our fears, hopes, deep desires, and at times, stam (just) nonsense we’ve absorbed from our days.
I love the fact that the both Torah and Talmud speak about dreams, and yet, are not entirely clear. How can we be clear on stuff we’re not supposed to know about?? On the one hand, the Talmud states that dreams are one-sixtieth of prophecy (Brachot 57b), but it also says that no dreams are without nonsense (55a), and most importantly, that the interpretation of a dream depends on the explanation given by the interpreter (55b). A dream therefore can have either a good or a bad interpretation. Much of what it will be depends on what we put in our heads initially, what we remember, who interprets, which interpretation we accept, and most important, what we choose to do about it.
One of my favorite stories is a much later Chasidic tale about Reb Isaac who dreamed of a treasure near the bridge buy the palace in a far away city. When the dream came back a 3rd time, Isaac finally decided to “shlep” over there. But when he got there after days of travel, the bridge was heavily guarded and he couldn’t get near. Finally, one of the officers noticed him and asked him what’s he doing. Isaac told him about the dream and the guard laughed: “You poor man, you traveled all this way for a dream? Why, if I believed a dream I once had, I would travel back to the village where you came from and look for a treasure under the house of some man named Reb Isaac”… Isaac thanked him and traveled back home, realizing the treasure was there all along and at the same time knowing, he would have never found it had he not listened to his dream and gone on his journey (Paulo Coelho used that same story as the base for his Alchemist book-).
The story of Joseph is always read around Hanukkah. Both periods look especially dark and gloomy in history (Joseph’s time and the historical story of Hanukkah), but we are taught that davka (especially) when it’s dark and gloomy, an unexpected light begins to shine. Rav Kook spoke about a flower sprouting from a seed that must first rot in the depth of the earth, a process which might not be pretty or comfortable. In Hebrew, shachor – is “black” but shachar, which comes from the very same root, already means “dawn”, as if inside the darkness there is the potential for a new beginning, a hope, a light. This light might be obvious, or first just hinted in a dream.
Here’s to sweet dreams. Shabbat Shalom & Happy Hanukkah.

hanukkah.2015

 

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Next Love Story: Jacob & Rachel

Posted on November 28, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

What would a therapist tell Jacob and Rachel? When I look at commentary, I find the first one calling it the greatest love story ever, and the second – worst love story ever. Which way is it? Yes…
We know their romantic meeting at “the well”, the same place where his grandfather’s servant found his mom. One must wonder: Was there only one well? Did they all just know where to go?? Or perhaps water throughout these stories is symbolic of something else??
Jacob arrives to see the flocks and shepherds all wait to roll the stone which covers the well’s opening, supposedly so no one takes more water than deserving. In a familiar fashion, they too use the extra time to play “Jewish geography”: “He asked: ‘brothers, where are you from?” and they said, from Charan. He said: do you know Lavan the son of Nachor? They said, ‘we know’.”
As they speak, Rachel approaches with her “father’s flock”. Upon seeing her, Jacob draws near and rolls that giant stone and waters “the flock of Lavan, his mother’s brother”. A few verses later we’re told that he loved her (Genesis 29:1-18). In fact, he loves her so much that he is willing to work for her 7 years. And when tricked to marry her sister, another 7 years. And those endless hours of hard labor, all seem to him “as a few days in his love for her”.
In Hollywood it should have ended right there: a beautiful golden sunset on the horizon reflecting on the river, palm trees swaying in the light afternoon breeze. Slowly, with a knowing gaze, they walk up the path hand in hand up the path to tell her family, and… cut.
But the Torah is not Hollywood and soon after, things start going wrong. Living with her deceitful father, Jacob ends up with four wives, three of whom give him children. Those three do their part in building the family, cooperatively, quietly, as required, but Rachel is barren. How would they deal with it? In a similar situation, angels came to visit his grandparents, after grandma already went (ore than) the extra mile, giving Abraham her handmaid. His father prayed for his mom. What will happen here? Is Jacob too worn down by labor and family life to notice his beloved wife? Has she turned from the cheerful independent girl he seems to be at the well, to a nagging, needy, bitter woman?
She tries to talk to Jacob, but he doesn’t offer a prayer nor comfort, like Elkana will offer many years later to Hannah, his beloved wife who is also barren and watches her competition bear one child after another. But Jacob turns his back and goes to spend the night with Rachel’s maidservant, who gives him more of the desired sons.
He still loves her, as we see in this week’s reading, putting her and Joseph, the son she meanwhile bore to him, in the back when they meet Esau and his men presumably to protect them (33:1-7). And yet, when Easu asks, ‘who are all these’, she is included with all in Jacob’s reply, “I have plenty”.
Rachel dies on the road, while giving birth to her second son. She names him Ben-Oni, which can mean both ‘son of my grief’ and ‘son of my strength (also ‘rightful claim)’. Jacob is quick to change the baby’s name to Binyamin (Benjamin), thus confirming the positive meaning of the name his mother gave him. This is done right before she died. Because he was disrespectful and couldn’t wait? Because with her last breath she gave him a nod that it’s ok for him to do so? Yes.
Jacob buries Rachel on the road, though they are only about 10 miles from the Cave of Machpela, the family’s burial plot where all other couples were interned. Yes, you might say, in those days it took awhile to travel 10 miles, and yet, years later, Jacob’s sons will carry him all the way from Egypt to be laid to rest, by the way, next to Leah, her sister who was originally married to him by “mistake” and through a lie. Rachel will be later credited with watching over the Children of Israel in their journeys from and back to the Land. Touchy legends and poems will be composed by prophets and modern singers, but the bottom line is that in spite of their amazing love, they end up apart. Did he love her “too much”, so much that it all just “blew up”? And how did she feel about him? She wanted to bear his child, but did she love him too?? At that first meeting, Jacob “kisses Rachel, and bursts out crying”, so out of order! Could he feel right then and there, that in spite of it all, this will “not work”?
We often say that the Torah is a “guide book”, a “how to” book, a manual that provides guidance about life. We’re told what to do about food; about family, parents, sibling, children; about division of time, shabbat and holidays; there are countless laws and instructions regarding bodily functions, agriculture, labor… about so many things! So what about love? What about love?
But maybe love is like G-d. At best we can see G-d in our past but not in our future. It is likewise full of future, promise, and life, and yet equally unpredictable, unfathomable and unknown. And so it remains.
Shabbat Shalom.

Rachel_and_Jacob

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Plaid Friday: life lessons from recent shoe shopping

Posted on November 27, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

In Oakland, we have Plaid – rather than Black – Friday. But no matter how it’s called, shopping and I have never been great friends. On a list of my top 10 favorite activities, shopping will come in a close 11th. I hate going and once there, often can’t remember why I ended up in an airless store with a full cart, standing in line with other, equally frustrated, strangers. And even my online ventures… consider my recent effort at getting new Puma shoes. I have two falling apart pairs I inherited from my kids (that’s how it works here -) and, I figured, it was time to get my own.
So I looked. And looked. And did my research. And clicked the ‘submit your order here’ button. Then waited. And waited. And waited. I looked forward to having them already for the next time I go dancing, walking, hiking…
Then the package arrived.
I opened it carefully, slowly unwrapping the crinkly white paper, barely containing my excitement. The smell of fresh shoes welcomed me. I took them out and looked at them, touching, feeling the soft leather. I fell in love immediately. Then I put my hand inside.
The arch seemed a little high, a little stiff, but then, that’s ok, isn’t it? New shoes, it’s always like this. I put my foot in, and tried to stand, my toe contesting. I tittered to the mirror and looked. They looked good. No. they really looked great. I turned sideways this way and that. An excellent fit. Inside, while the left foot was almost bearable, the right, protested louder now. But I figured, they’ll soften, won’t they? And anyway, I don’t have time for this now. I’ll deal with it later.
But later was the same.
Last night, I looked at them again. Then I opened my computer and googled the return policy. While doing so I was reminded of something I started writing, titled: everything I ever learned about life, I learned from buying shoes.
Here goes, and please note, this only a theory:
1. Contrary to advertisements and wide-spread FOMO, you don’t need to try the infinite number of options out there. Life’s too short for that. Find out who you are and what works for you. Make choices based on your comfort, your well-being. You’ll need your feet for a long time. Support yourself. Listen to yourself. Love yourself.
2. At the same time, dare to try something new every so often. Life is too short not to spread out your wings and flap a bit. Make some noise. Be alive. Don’t blend. You might be ridiculous, out there, “different”, so what. Celebrate who you are. Enjoy your journey.
3. No matter what, chances are, sometimes, you’ll fall. Or have blisters. You’ll be tempted to berate yourself… Don’t. No matter what, not everything will work out. Expect some failure (and no, not all failure is positive and it’s not possible to learn from all our mistakes).
4. Doubt is the greatest enemy of shoe shopping and so much more in life. It’s destructive and leads nowhere. Make your decisions, and move on with the rest of life. There’s lots more to do (if I can brace myself, I‘ll check out dresses and accessories -).
5. Don’t feel the need to travel through life caring everything you’ve ever bought. Once in awhile, go through your “closet” and get rid of some stuff. There might be “shoes” that were once in style and a good fit, and now are passé. Say good bye with appreciation. There’s life in the future too.
And now I’m off to returning my pumas.

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Heading out: on the need to journey

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Why did Jacob leave his parents’ home for Haran?
Of course, we “know”: he had to run away from Esau, his brother, who was going to kill him for stealing his blessing. But then, there are so many places he could go. Even the ancient midrash tells us that Jacob did not go directly, but stopped at a yeshiva – an intense study place – of back then for 14 years. What?! That sounds fantastical! A yeshiva? back then?? But the writers of the midrash might want to tell us something. One, that he was learned and seeped in spirituality, and the other, that there were other places where he could be safe. Indeed, this portion is called Vayetze -“and he went out” rather than Vayivrach, “and he escaped”, implying, a deliberate departure. Yet, he opted to go much further and to a very different place from his childhood home.
So maybe he had to travel so far north in order to get himself a wife? But then, he too could have sent a messenger, like his grandfather did when it was time to marry his father to his mother, especially since it’s not like he is looking to marry a stranger. Chances are, someone could have brought him the right woman, and do so with much less trouble than he’s gotten himself into.
So why go?
One of our earliest descriptions of Jacob (Genesis 25:27) is that he is “ish tam” – a totally dedicated man (Rav Hirsch’s translation); a quiet man (Mechon Mamre), wholesome (the Stone Chumash). Jacob is not restless, not running around in the field seeking game. He dwells in the tent (yoshev, as in “sitting”, being stable). He is wholehearted, complete. At a young age, he’s reached life’s goal of peace and tranquility, like a noble yogi. From here on, life should have been coasting for him.
But, it’s no big deal to be “complete” in Isaac and Rebecca’s home where it’s comfortable and spiritual and loving, and life starts agitating him, pushing him out of the “womb” again to continue to grow.
He is forced to leave that place where everything is “perfect” for him, and go; go live with a person who is deceitful, greedy, manipulative and evil, and still, not a far away enemy but part of the family, as if emphasizing that all these qualities are not somewhere “else” far away but right at home, within. Jacob has to face this other world, learn to be “in it but not of it”; he has to learn to find G-d in everything, everywhere. Only then, he is ready to go back. Only then, he will become Yisra’el, the one who struggles with (hu)man and G-d and prevails. And by the way, “prevail” won’t mean he had an easy, pleasureful, painless life with everything going his way. He didn’t win the lottery; he worked hard against all odds. When he thought he’s on route home, his beloved wife died, and when he was about to rest, his favorite son disappeared. “Prevail” means that through his struggles, the ups and downs, he ultimately lives closer to G-d. And at the end, he is also the only one whose children (all of them) become known as “the Children of Israel” to this very day.
My mom used to say that in her past life she must have been a gypsy, since she traveled so much. Living on the other side of the world, I can obviously relate. At this point, traveling to the “other side of the world” is one of my defining characteristics so I always thought it was “genetic”, but just recently found out that there is actually a gene that controls our wandering. Which made me wonder, considering the relatively high compliance with the tight laws of marriage in the Jewish community, is it possible that inadvertently, we’ve bred people prone to wandering, feeling “called” to journey?
I wonder (and wander-), what might be the implications of this? What does it mean to educate carriers of this gene? Is it really possible to tell them to “sit down and just listen”? What does it mean about the future of Israel? What does it mean to our own life goals?
Last but not least, Jacob journey begins with a famous dream about a ladder, a way to connect heaven and earth, with rungs. The journey is not smooth, nor speedy or direct. It takes time. We are invited to climb; we are likely to slip down too. Along the way, we might meet angels, there to help us in our journey, even those – or especially those – who challenge us and push our limits. They too. Because this is what it’s about: not the arrival but the “stuff” we meet along the way, not the “tomorrow” and “when are we going to get there”, but here and now.

Shabbat Shalom.

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First Love, part II

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

Abraham, who first encountered love in the most unexpected circumstances, bequeathed it to his son, Isaac, who in turn shared it with his wife, Rebecca. Thus, the first love between a man and a woman in the Torah was born, and here too, it did not come about in the way we would “expect”, but then, why would it.

Isaac, whose Hebrew name means “he will laugh”, is not an obviously funny character, but rather pensive and thoughtful. Some describe him as withdrawn or even depressed, stricken by PTSD from the knife hovering over his eyes, but Jewish mysticism ascribes to him the quality of strength – not the strength of loud wars and noisy fist fights, but a quiet, solid, measured kind of strength. He is the embodiment of gvura, whose counterpart is chesed, kindness. The latter is the quality most often associated with Abraham, but also – with Rebecca.
We know the story: Abraham, after the binding and Sarah’s death, calls his trusted servant and sends him back to his homeland to find a wife for Isaac. Isaac, by the way, at that time was already 40 years old, and yet he is not the one rushing from home to find her. In fact, he’s not rushing to do anything. That too is part of his quiet strength.
The servant heads north with 10 camels, arriving at the well. Beautiful maidens come and go. How will he know the right one? He asks for a sign, and utters what must be one of the first – if not the first – prayers of supplication in the Torah: “G-d… please, cause this happenstance to occur” (Genesis 24:12)… but how can one ask for a chance meeting?? If it’s a chance, then doesn’t it just happen by itself? And if it’s planned – by humans or the Divine – then why would it be called a chance?
19 century Rav Hirsch connects the root used here, k.r.h. (happen, chanced) and k.r.a (to call on someone), saying, that when someone speaks of the things that “happened” to him, he actually refers to things that he did not “call”, but rather, they (these events) “called” him to them, by a Higher Power. If we mix the Hebrew letters of the word “mikre”, chance, you can get “rak meh(ashem)” (only from G-d”), and coincidentally, we can also get the word “karma”. So which way is it? Chance or Pre-destiny? Yes. Absolute order leads to determinism, while absolute happenstance leads to fatalism, illusions and inability to plan anything. It must be both. Chance needs some anchors. Careful planning needs room for G-d.
The sign that the servant decides on, is also telling. I’m reminded of my teens years, when we used to count red cars. Then, the next boy who will speak to you, that’s a sign… We could count all we want; we could change the count, ‘actually, that one was dark red motorcycle so actually it doesn’t count’… But the servant’s sign is very clear: she must be kind, not only to a rich traveler who bears gifts of a golden nose ring and bracelets, but to animals too. And by the way, though camels must have been the choice travel mode of back then, the fact that there are exactly ten of them, like the ten bracelets and ten other things in the Torah, and that the Hebrew word for camel, gamal, shares its root with gemilut chasadim, doing acts of loving kindness, emphasizes this quality of chesed further.
But chesed alone is insufficient. Unlimited kindness can be harmful to the giver and the receiver. It needs its counterpart. Rebecca must have known that, and so when asked whether she would go, she says yes.
The text tells us, in what to us might be an unusual order of verbs, that after they met, Isaac “brought her into the tent of Sarah, his mother. And he took Rebecca (some translate here “and he married her”) and she became his wife, and (then) he loved her, and (only then) Isaac found comfort after his mother(‘s passing).” (Genesis 24:67). Not like they didn’t have a romantic 1st meeting before, with him walking meditatively in the field during sunset, and her “falling off the camel” as soon as she saw him, even before asking the servant who was this man. But love meant purpose and partnership, and love took time.

* * * * * * *
I get up early to write but Zoe decides that if I’m already up at this hour, I should really check out the starry sky. Just before dawn, an amazing canopy spread over me. A bright moon shines in the southeast, accompanied by Mars and Venus. I bundle up for the morning air, and find, there’s always some surprise in last year’s pocket.

Shabbat Shalom!

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ReJewvenate @ Pardes, Summer 2015

Posted on November 2, 2015 by Michal Kohane מיכל כהנא

ReJewvenate @ Pardes, Summer 2015

Two letters from our “ReJewvenators” who participated at Pardes Summer Institute this past summer through the ReJewvenate grant.Apply for next year, if you’re over 40, interested in immersive Jewish learning and haven’t had an opportunity to do so.

The Tale of A Brand Evangelist
Melinda Jones – Australia

If I told you I was going to study in a Yeshiva or a Seminary – or even that I was going to study Talmud – you would immediately make assumptions about the learning environment. First, it would be divided upon strict gender lines. Then there would be a dress code – at least the women would be very conservatively dressed, certainly not in pants or leggings, and possibly cover their hair. Then there would be judgment – not about your level or learning or success in existing studies – but about your level of observance. So before you even consider applying you have to decide how much of you will be checked out at the door.

Returning to Australia after having the most amazing summer of my life learning at Pardes, everyone I spoke with made the assumption that if I was engaged in Jewish learning all of the above would pertain. I can do OK on all the above criteria, so it was one thing for ME to learn – but the assumption was that there was no place for them. So I have slowly been disabusing them of these assumptions.

It is also true that I have wanted to learn more Jewishly for a long time. So the opportunity provided by receiving the Rejewvenate Grant was life-changing. The level & quality of the teaching and the scholarship of the staff was as exceptional. There was a range of classes in every slot that made the question of prior learning a nonissue – at both ends and across the spectrum. There was no one whose learning needs weren’t accommodated.

But I really have to say that even beyond this – for which I am very grateful – I had no idea about what to expect about the learning environment. Not only was there no need to check our identities in at the door – the diversity of the learning community was welcomed. Male or female; young or old; Orthodox, secular, Reform or anything else; straight or gay; black or white – there was only one criteria of entry – the desire to learn.

The open learning environment, where no question was wrong, no perspective belittled, no assumptions about people made and no judgment, was something almost impossible to imagine until you have been there. Working with different classmates, chevrutah style, from class to class allowed for bonding as learners but also as friends. We were from such diverse backgrounds and different ages, but none of that mattered. The enthusiasm and thirst; the fact that at the end of the three weeks almost all of us felt we were just at the beginning; the reality that people come back year after year is evidence of something special going on here.

We all want Pardes to come to our communities and offer ongoing programs so that we don’t have to pigeon-hole our Jewish learning. There is, of course, Limmud – which is always a festival of Jewish learning. If you haven’t experienced it, you must. Limmud is held in lots of cities around the world and in my experience is full of great classes and lots of surprises. But this is also one or two days in most places. In many ways, Pardes is like Limmud on steroids.

There is an idea in the world of ecommerce and social marketing that the way to success is through brand evangelism. The idea is that you sell your product in such a way that users become enthusiasts and try to convert their friends and colleagues to your brand. Well, I am a Pardes evangelist. I’m sure many of the wonderful people I met over summer are, too. What could be greater sign of the passion for Jewish learning that Pardes contains and maintains in us all.

Ahavat Israel – Love of Israel
Tye-Tyrone (Tuviyah) Powell – CA, USA

After I return home from ISRAEL July 28, 2015, I see my life in a different way. I am finding that the most challenging part of my Pardes summer experience is in returning to my life in the US. This experience was so profound and I have returned with not only a more developed understanding of Jewish Studies and Education but a closeness to community, social values and “ahavah”: Love.
My goal this past summer of learning at Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies was to acquire a deeper understanding of the traditions, values and of Jewish communities. I wanted to learn the ways one can provide visibility to these communities and maintain the traditions alive.
The most monumental achievement I participated in however, was the trip to Old City and My personal davening time at the Kotel. Wow… is all I can say for this experience.
Having done all this studying at Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies I wanted to feel more about the sense of involvement or uninvolvement to natural situations in a Jewish State (Israel), and I more than met my original goals. I not only learned the ins and outs of beginners Gemara, Mishna and Talmud, but received more education on Jewish Philosophy, Maimonides and Rabbi Soloveitchik which I received first-hand knowledge or learning experience being taught by some of the top scholars and instructors in Israel.
I have said it before and I will say it again, Pardes summer program is an essential piece of Jewish education and helping to ensure we remain Jewish.
At Pardes I saw the friendships and fun in meeting people from around the world. I engaged in creative evening programming that was happening in a thoughtful and intentional Jewish environment.
More than ever, I know that Pardes Summer Program is an essential piece of the Jewish puzzle. I know of no better way to engage in a Jewish environment with my peers and non-Jews yet have them love Judaism and being Jewish.
If you are concerned about the future of Judaism, connect with Pardes Summer Program or Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies and help support it, it is an investment in the future. I hope I see you next summer at Pardes 2016!

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